#129: Ghouls n’ Ghosts n’ Goblins
A legendary arcade series with legendary difficulty
This review was originally posted to Twitter on July 6, 2019.
Initial release: 1985–2006
Platform: Too many to count
Developer: Capcom
Hoo boy. If you’ve ever heard the phrase “Nintendo hard,” you likely know what it means: unforgiving difficulty, often embodied in the games on the very system that coined the term, the Nintendo Entertainment System. And what’s more Nintendo Hard than Capcom’s outrageously difficult medieval horror platformer, Ghosts n’ Goblins?
Let’s start with the first game. Born on the arcade in the mid-80s, Ghosts ‘n Goblins exemplifies the mid-80s quarter-muncher. This game is brutally hard, like just ragingly unfair. It’s honestly quite difficult even by quarter-muncher standards! (Though arguably Gun.Smoke is worse.) A big part of that difficulty, and a defining feature for the series, is that you only have what amounts to two hitpoints. That’s right, you can only take two hits. Combine this with frequently unfair enemy placement and uneven hit detection and you’ve got a recipe for rage.
The plot, such as it is, is something like this: Arthur the knight (implied by Capcom USA to be the semi-mythical King Arthur of British legend, though this hasn’t been confirmed by the parent company) and his princess girlfriend (called by various names in various places, so we’ll just go with “princess”) just got done having a “picnic” in the graveyard when Satan, or the devil, or somebody, spirits her away!
Anyway, now it’s Arthur’s job to go get her back. To do that, he’ll have to fight his way through various levels, starting from the graveyard, through a demon-infested village, into some caves, and finally into the demon castle itself. He’ll need lots of luck.
The first game seems geared to be as uncompromisingly — even incomprehensibly — unfair as possible. Aside from the fact that your weaponry is pretty weak (the three rules for playing Ghosts n’ Goblins is to get the knife, get the knife, and get the knife) you can also only shoot left and right.
Unfair enemy placement makes things harder, especially during the ludicrous platforming sequences. And while many games of the era can usually be surmounted by rote memorization, some of the more frustrating moments crop up when enemies behave unpredictably. (For example, those fucking red devils.)
A number of bizarre design decisions really hamper this game; for example, you can only fight the final boss with a certain weapon that shows up on the final level, and God help you if you pick up another one by mistake!
And the worst part? If you get all the way to the end and beat the final boss, somehow, the game tells you that it’s not the real ending, and you must go back to the beginning and do it all over again. And now it’s even harder! This game fucking hates you.
Ghosts ‘n Goblins has a truly dizzying array of home ports, though the only one that really matters is the NES port. Developed by the now-infamous Micronics, it sports downgraded visuals and audio, but is otherwise a faithful adaptation of the arcade original.
Of course, this is Micronics we’re talking about; they were notorious for the low quality of their ports. The prevailing rumor is that Micronics was mostly a jaded college kid who wanted to develop his own games but got stuck porting other games instead, and so slacked on QA. Whatever the case, many early NES arcade ports were done by Micronics, which explains why they’re all now notorious for being crap. Ghouls ‘n Ghosts fares better than its contemporaries in this regard, but I think its enduring popularity is largely because it was the most well known port. After all, lots of kids had a NES back in the day, making this a pretty accessible way of playing the game. It didn’t hurt that, unlike its arcade cousin, you didn’t need to insert another quarter to continue no matter how many times you died. For a game as unforgiving as this, that’s truly a blessing.
The second game, Ghouls ‘n Ghosts, is another arcade title, released three years later — and set three years after the previous game, not that you’d notice. The arcade intro shows the princess literally getting murdered in front of Arthur, so that’s a thing. So now arthur has to fight his way through a bunch of bullshit once again, to rescue the souls of the princess and the townspeople. Otherwise, it’s pretty much the same game as last time, though it’s a little easier this time around. (Just a little.) The big difference now is that you can fire upwards and downwards as well as from side to side. This can be an absolute lifesaver, a huge change from the original’s mechanics. You can also upgrade your armor to be able to charge your weapon for big, screen-clearing attacks. Enemy placement is a little less horseshit, as well, though the game will still sometimes pull the rug out from under you with unexpected elements like a boss needing ranged weapons (meaning you’re out of luck if all you have is the sword, which is the only melee weapon.)
Like before, to get the true ending you’ll need to do the game twice; luckily, the second round offers you a magical weapon (that has no charged-up version, sadly) that does tremendous damage and can even nullify enemy projectiles. This makes up for the increased difficulty.
Home ports of Ghouls ‘n Ghosts are more numerous than the previous game; the Sega Genesis version is probably the most faithful adaptation, and arguably looks and sounds better, too. The only major change is the intro is gone for some reason.
The original trilogy closes out with Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts. Unlike its predecessors, this is a Super NES exclusive; and, despite its name, it’s not a port of Ghouls ‘n Ghosts. No, this is SUPER Ghouls ‘n Ghosts, that’s how you know it’s new! Set four years after the previous game, this time the villain is different or whatever and oh my god it doesn’t matter, go kill some bad guys. The intro is pretty entertaining though, making good use of mode 7 effects with a great soundtrack.
Inexplicably, you no longer have 4-way shooting, you’re back to left-and-right. However, to make up for that, you can now double-jump. As always, you’re dominated by momentum, but at least now you can change direction with your second jump. While super ghouls ‘n ghosts is as unforgiving as any SNES game can be, it’s fair to say that it’s at least a little easier than its predecessors. If nothing else, it won’t hit you with fuckness like boss fights being unwinnable because you brought the wrong weapon. You also can pick up one-time-use shields that will protect you from projectiles — though, I must stress, only projectiles. Get hit by an enemy and your armor will still fall off as always. The ability to charge your weapons returns, as well, and thank goodness.
As always, to get the true ending, you have to beat the game twice. however, if you play the Game Boy Advance port’s “arrange mode,” you don’t have to do this, because the game only has a single run (on top of some new stuff like the return of some classic bosses.)
After Super the series kinda disappeared for a while. While there was a brief spinoff series called Gargoyle’s Quest featuring everyone’s favorite pain in the ass, the Red Devil, that culminated in the classic Demon’s Crest, the series was otherwise dormant.
In the early 2000s, however, Capcom revived the franchise, sort of, with a spiritual sequel titled Maximo: Ghosts to Glory. This was an attempt to bring the GnG gameplay to 3D, and for the most part it succeeded… which is why it’s not that fun to play.
The chief source of bullshit centered around the saving and continuing system, both of which required not one, but two separate currencies, and the more you continued, the more expensive continuing got. Combine this with clunky combat and you have a recipe for disaster.
And while the sequel, Maximo vs the Army of Zin did away with most of the more bizarre design choices, it sold extremely poorly, Capcom barely marketing it at all. A planned third game to end the over-arching storyline never materialized, and the sub-franchise seems dead.
All that aside, in 2006 Capcom, in the midst of bringing some of their classic franchises to the PlayStation Portable, gave us Ultimate Ghosts ‘n Goblins. Unlike Mega Man Powered Up and Mega Man Maverick Hunter X, this wasn’t a remake (not that it’d matter) but finally an answer to Super’s sequel hook. The princess has been kidnapped again, blah blah, doesn’t matter. Here’s where it gets interesting: the gameplay has been stood on its head. Instead of a linear affair where you stab your way from A to B, the levels are somewhat non-linear, giving you the opportunity to explore. A big part of the gameplay is finding rings, 33 in all, that allow you to fight the final bosses and see the real ending. You’re never gonna get them all the first time through, but now you can warp around from level to level provided you find the appropriate items.
You’re also gifted with different sets of armor and shields that help you get around; on top of that, there’s the addition of a magic system that relies on potion pickups to keep the party going.
The biggest change, however, is the fact that when you die, you get resurrected on the spot provided you have enough lives. This is a huge change; no more having to go back to some distant-ass checkpoint!
Up until Ghosts ‘n Goblins Resurrection, there hadn’t been a truly new GnG game since Ultimate, other than some mobile spinoffs nobody cares about. This is probably down to the singular formula that the series has stuck to, and any major change to said formula is likely to alienate the 500 or so weirdos who’d actually buy it. (Which is a big reason why Resurrection adhered so close to it!)
At the end of the day, though, if you’re looking for a truly brutal arcade experience, you can’t go wrong with this once-notorious series, a medieval horror romp before Dark Souls.
