#412: dark relic
religious horror in the time of the crusades, on late-00s-era syfy’s budget
dark relic (2010, d. lorenzo sena): the once-venerable sci-fi channel garnered a lot of mockery when it changed its name to syfy; much hash was made over the new name’s unfortunate implications in eastern european languages. but perhaps more unfortunate is the much-deserved ill reputation of the original films the channel has broadcast since 2000, including the viral hit sharknado series and several of studio asylum’s mockbusters such as alien vs hunter. into this mess came 2010’s dark relic, a mixed bag of a film that draws clear inspiration from the likes of evil dead and came relatively close to being decent.
it’s the time of the crusades, and sir gregory leads what’s left of a hundred men who followed him to the holy land. with little to show for it but their own battle scars, gregory buys a supposed relic from a rather harried fellow eager to get rid of it; he claims it to be a piece of the cross that christ was crucified on, its provenance seemingly proven by the blood seeping from the wood. satisfied in this, if little else, gregory leads his men and the relic onto a ship, with the aim of traveling to rome to present the relic to the pope. after the water and food all spoils, a storm rises up, and all of the ship’s crew are killed; the ship soon crashes ashore, nowhere near the crusaders’ destination. they come upon a few civilians being set upon by bandits, with only a band of turks defending them. with some (religious and racial) misgivings among the men, the groups band together, with the intent of taking the long way back to rome. as they travel it becomes clear that the relic is cursed somehow, and after a couple of the men are killed off they take it to a nearby monastary, where things start to go really badly. they decide then and there to take it back to the holy land — but the question is, how do they get there?
the idea of a cursed relic bringing misfortune to those who carry it is awesome; the problem, as is often the case with films like this, is the execution.
let’s get one thing out of the way: the CGI in this movie fucking sucks. it’s some of the most playstation 2-ass bullshit you ever did see, i’m actually amazed at how bad it is. the movie would actually be almost okay without it, but unfortunately they needed the CGI for the film’s biggest flaw, the demon that harasses the group.
a while back i watched black death (the one with sean bean) and i was impressed at the film’s slow burn culminating with a pointedly ambiguous finale that seemed to eschew a lot of the tropes of this kind of period horror film. when i mentioned it on facebook, an acquaintance of mine complained that the ending wasn’t more of a shitshow of magic and demons flying everywhere. he would have liked this film, i think, as the film’s finale devolves into typical thickheaded monster killing, with a brief finale against a demon that is as unsatisfying as it’s poorly executed. but i get it, some people like their movies to be a world of warcraft quest.
other than that, the acting isn’t too bad for B-movie schlock, with the most interesting characters being the muslim turks, with alyy khan as hasan, who has an interestingly philosophical take on the groups’ religious differences (he proposes that he and sir gregory both pray — surely, between the two of them, someone will listen.) indeed, the characters spend a lot of time debating religion, with one of the rescued serfs a young atheist woman at a time when being any of those things was dangerous but still having her right to her viewpoint defended by both hasan and (the admittedly disillusioned) gregory. it’s a curious aspect of the film, an idea i don’t see explored very often in religious horror.
most of the film is set outdoors, and while there are times when the effects fail quite badly (for example, an all-encompassing fog manages to just look like a partly-cloudy morning,) lorenzo sena manages to have a knack for picking out relatively pretty shooting locations and establishing shots. his fight scenes are fairly intense, though a dream sequence in the first act just reeks of “budget 300.”
it’s not a good film, but i hesitate to say it’s a bad one either. the concept is sound, and i do like the writing. i’d say it’s about half of a good film — in better hands it could have been a hidden medieval horror gem like black death.
